Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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