was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize