nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
3 2 1 whiskey
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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