I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Someone shit on the floor
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
