M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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