I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
