No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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