judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
