her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
