It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
