PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
