I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
