is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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