so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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