I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
