Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize