A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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