No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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