did you get engaged???
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
