Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I need moral support for this bender
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
