tonight lets celebrate not being married
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
