there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I want her autograph on my taint
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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