I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Randomize
