LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
