wanna go halves on a baby?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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