dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize