Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
