all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
