I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
