you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
