Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize