I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
