TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
