Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize