yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
