im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
