I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
