We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize