So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
