she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She's the barista slut.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
