She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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