Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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