then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
