apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
