eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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