I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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