I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
