Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
