So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize