im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
