I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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