I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
