so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
