at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
