It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
