I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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