We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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