I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
its liver damage thursday
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
