We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
