it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
