Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
