Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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