Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
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