just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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