Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
