woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
