after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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