i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
