I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
