I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When did angry sex become our thing?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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