I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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