ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
