New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
