I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
