you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
