North Korea, Best Korea!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I love you. Go after that dick
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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