go do what you do best...puke behind churches
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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