Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
