I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
