Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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