I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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