You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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