you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
