Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
