It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize