fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
