LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
