Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
