It was confusing and full of hummus
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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