I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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