If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
