My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
