my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
