Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
