Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
