don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
