she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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