Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
